Like everyone else, I immediately grabbed my copy of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, ran home, and read it the whole way through. And now, like everyone else, I’m going to blog about it.
Obviously, there are spoilers ahead.
I’ve already tweeted about this, but I love, love, love Scorpius. He is my tiny son and I want to protect him forever. He was sweet, funny, and witty, and consistently broke my heart whenever he talked about his home life or his lack of friends. Also, any character who loves books is automatically in my good graces. I can see him becoming Hermione’s protégé in later years…
- Ron and Hermione
I know I’m biased because this involves Ron Weasley, the love of my life since I was seven. But hear me out: did anyone else notice how different he was written here? It felt like he was reduced to more of the clumsy, jokey, obsessed-with-food Ron that the movies perpetuated instead of the slightly-less-clumsy, witty, flawed-but-loving Ron from the books. I realize the play doesn’t have enough time to explore every character and their depths but… the fact that Ron stopped to eat in the kitchens before coming to see if the kids were okay? I don’t believe that.
I was also hugely pissed about the second timeline, where Ron was with Padma and Hermione was a professor. Look, the two definitely influence one another—Ron mellows Hermione out, Hermione pushes Ron to work harder—but the implication in the play is that if Ron and Hermione hadn’t ended up together, Ron would have ended up a cuckolded shadow of his former self and Hermione would become, and I’m quoting here, a “psychopath.” I don’t believe that, either (and what does that say about Padma?).
Third, I don’t care how bitter Hermione became after Ron picked Padma. There is no way she would have bullied children. She’d been through that herself, so she knew the damage those kinds of words would make. I don’t believe Hermione Granger would ever become a Snape, no matter what the circumstances of her love life may have been.
All that being said, I died and went to heaven during the scene in which Ron sits on her desk, calmly eating porridge, and announces he wants to renew their wedding vows. Seven-year-old Christina swooned.
- HERMIONE GRANGER IS MINISTER FOR MAGIC AND THERE IS NOTHING MORE TO SAY
…except maybe my thoughts on why it should stay Minister of Magic, but that’s a story for another day.
- HARRY DOES MOST OF THE COOKING, ACCORDING TO GINNY.
As Emily Asher-Perrin points out, this could be a result of the fact that Harry used to cook for the Dursleys all the time as a kid, and now wants to use those skills for a family that loves him. I bet he makes them pancakes every Sunday morning. I’m definitely not crying about this.
So, for a long time in the beginning of the play, several characters, like Hermione and Draco, refer to Professor McGonagall as “Minerva,” which felt so wrong. She calls them out on it later but… why do they feel comfortable doing that in the first place? Hermione even talks back to her at one point. I’m glad McGonagall was able to whip those kids back into shape.
- Are everyone’s personal histories now public knowledge?
Many times, Albus and Scorpius use their knowledge of other characters’ pasts to help prove to them that the boys mean business. But how do these kids know all this stuff? Someone mentions a book by Rita Skeeter, but how on earth does Scorpius know that Snape was in love with Lily? How do he and Albus know exactly which spells each of the young contestants in the Triwizard Tournament used? I feel like that story would have been really painful for Harry to tell to his son, especially since we see him struggling so much with his PTSD throughout the play.
- Speaking of Snape…
Look. I’m biased. I understand that. But despite the fact that this play really wants me to forgive Severus Snape, I honestly can’t do it. If anything, the parts with Snape in this play made me dislike him even more. I don’t find his love for Lily endearing; it’s creepy. It’s borderline stalking. And even if someone were to convince me that his love for Lily made him a good guy, he still terrorized children. Neville’s worst fear in the world was Snape. That’s not a man I’m going to admire
, and I certainly wouldn’t have named my kid after him.
She’s supposed to be a famous ex-Quidditch player for the Holyhead Harpies, right? They never mention it. You’d think that if Albus felt as though he was in his father’s shadow, he’d feel the same about his mom. Maybe that’s why he hates Quidditch so much?
Anyway, I was glad to see that scene towards the end where she (albeit briefly) talks to Albus about her experience with Voldemort. I hope they talked more about it afterwards.
Couple things here. Delphi was supposedly born in Malfoy Manor after the Battle of Hogwarts, right? How did Draco not know about this? I don’t have any theories, I’m just curious.
Delphi was a good villain for me right up until she revealed her plan for humiliating Cedric. Naked on a broom of purple feathers? What? That’s not an evil plan, that’s a Fred and George-level prank. There’s no subtlety or nuance there. I would have been fine with her plan being more ambiguous had it meant I never had to read that “purple duster” sentence again. Same with the Trolley Witch scene. What was that?
- Albus and Scorpius
…they’re totally in love, right? I get that the play was trying to really drive home the idea that they became friends just like Harry, Ron, and Hermione, but I’m not buying it. There were several moments in which I legitimately thought the two were going to kiss. Scorpius’s lady troubles throughout the book did nothing to convince me he wasn’t madly in love with Albus the whole time. That being said, I loved their interactions, romantic or not.
So that’s it! I’ll have many, many more thoughts I’m sure, but these are just my initial reactions. I can’t wait for the next few days when everyone will be dissecting the play together. And hopefully, one day soon, I’ll get to see it in person.